INTRODUCTION

The problem:

"Life causes hurts and pains. From it we build walls, we become bitter and we simply resign to go through life."
Andy Morgan

Those who hurt us, take from us....... they are thieves of the good things of life.

The fantasy:

1. The person who hurt me will come begging forgiveness. 2. The person who hurt me will make all wrongs right.
3. The person who hurt me will have an awful life.
4. I will just be able to forget that these things ever happened to me.
5. I will never hurt again. This was a one time offense and injustice.
6. If I can get even I will feel better.

Transition:
Because people will always hurt us, forgiveness is a core factor of life. Forgiveness is a God given remedy to deal with hurt and brokenness.

The definition:
Forgiveness is canceling a debt. Forgiveness is "letting go." Forgiveness says, "I no longer associate you with that any more."

The scope:
Forgiveness is a process that begins with a choice.
A person can choose not to forgive, but what is the alternative? (Ill. Choice of anger, when someone spills milk on your lap)
We need to turn our walls into bridges.
We need to turn bitterness into betterness.
We need to decide to grow through life and not just go through life.
There is no contract that says "Life Is Guaranteed to be Great!" ...But there is forgiveness to handle the injustice.

WHY FORGIVE?
1. Forgiveness frees me from become a collection agency.
2. Forgiveness allows me to be in control of the situation. When I do not forgive the offender in my life, I place the other person in a negative position of control.
3. Forgiveness gives you freedom....... from me and away from me.
4. Forgiveness causes me to admit to anger, pain and wrong and to work through it.
5. Forgiveness enables me to drop any future demands from me or you.
6. Forgiveness enables me to put to death six giants in my life.
7. Forgiveness paves the way to personal growth and maturity. You amaze you!

The pathway of destruction:

Bitterness leads to
Rage leads to
Anger leads to
Anarchy leads to
Slander ends in
Malice (which is injurious harm to self and others)

HOW TO FORGIVE

"All my life I was told to forgive, but no one ever told me how."
Maureen Burns

The Principles:
1. Responsibility precedes forgiveness. We need accept a new (re) role in the situation.
2. Forgiveness is never earned but freely given. It is a gift you give to someone who does not deserve it. (Who is in control?)
3. Forgiveness recognizes the inability of the other to pay their debt.
4. Forgiveness may be a one-way street. You are the giver and he/she the taker, (but I cannot think of a better road to be on).
5. Forgiveness may be the most difficult thing that you ever do, but it may be the most renewing.
6. Forgiveness involves a promise. It says, "I will not initiate this with you again."
7. Forgiveness begins with a choice to be kind.

The Pathway:

KINDNESS can lead to
PITY can lead to and understanding that allows a
LETTING GO of the situation and person(s) involved in our hurt.
Result: Forgiveness

TRUE STORY
"I thought by now I'd have two or three kids, .... be a stay-at-home mom ...and happily married. None of these things have happened. When I was 28, I started letting go of the dream of having a family. I let it go slowly, because I had clung to that dream for dear life. But, I believe I have let it go. I know that it could still happen, but I am not waiting or pining for it anymore. I feel free to be a parent and free to not be a parent. Have you ever heard the expression, 'Everything I've ever had to let go of has claw-marks all over it." I know the meaning. I'm not stable enough yet to make long term commitments yet. But the truth is, from the bottom of my heart, I am content about letting this dream go now. My old dreams have died. But new ones are germinating." Kathy

QUOTES

"Forgiveness is not the alternative to revenge because it is soft and gentle; it is a viable alternative because it is the only creative route to less unfairness."
From Betty Ritter's notes, Forget-Healing the Hurts

"If we all live by 'an eye for an eye,' the whole world will be blind. The only way out is forgiveness."
Ghandi

"Kindness is a sincere desire for the happiness of others; goodness is the activity calculated to advance that happiness."
Jerry Bridges

"It's easier to confess and seek healing for our own sins than to heal ourselves of what others have done to us. Forgiveness is love's toughest work and biggest risk. It is the hardest trick in the whole bag of personal relationships."
Lewis Smedes

"To err is human, to forgive divine."
Alexander Pope

"I have forgiven you. Now forgive one another."
Jesus

"Forgiveness gets the hate out."
Jim Smoke

"We struggle to extend forgiveness because of the wrongs done to us by others who hurt us so much. At the same time, we are not completely sure what forgiveness really is or what it might involve. It is not that we cannot forgive someone, but that we are afraid of what it might cost."
Allen Guelzo, from Fear of Forgiving

QUESTIONS FOR SESSION SIX.... FORGIVENESS

1. When did another forgive you in life? How did you feel?
2. How can time become a friend on the pathway to forgiveness?
3. How can forgiving an un-lovely person actually produce victory and growth in you and others around you?
4. What message does forgiving your spouse (or others) send to your children, others?
5. Why is hard to forgive ourselves?
6. How many times should we forgive an offensive person?
7. If you ask another person to forgive you... and they choose to not forgive you; what should you do?
8. What are the kind things that can actually be said to someone who has hurt us? (What can kindly be left unsaid?)
9. What are the kind of things that can actually be done to an unkind person?

FINAL NOTE:

"A SWEET SAINTLY REVENGE says, "I Forgive You!" But, now your really owe me. (Looking for the paybacks) Accepting forgiveness ultimately means turning life around. not just saying "I'm sorry."

FOR MORE INFORMATION CONTACT:
Calvary Church
Attn.: NSL Director
777 E. Beltline, N.E.
Grand Rapids, MI 49501

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