INTRODUCTION

DEFINITION: Responsibility..."Charge, custody, duty, obligation, trust."
Roget's Thesaurus.

RE-SPONSIBILITY
RE-SPONSOR -- One who takes charge and care of a situation to keep things running smoothly.
REsponsibility is recognizing that you have to reclaim charge and care for your life and the situations of each and every day.

MYTHS:
1. I need someone else to take care of me.
2. Life will need to go on hold until I recover.
3. I am nothing more than a dependent.
4. I will never be able to accomplish anything really worthwhile as a divorced person.

ACCEPTING RESPONSIBILITY BEGINS WITH:
1. Accepting the reality of your mistakes and choices and END THE BLAME GAME.
2. Accepting that life is real in this world, and END THE WOE IS ME GAME.
3. Accepting that happiness is a choice and END THE WHO WILL MAKE ME HAPPY GAME.
4. Accepting that future plans are yours and END THE DOOM AHEAD GAME.
5. Accepting my thoughts, feelings and actions are mine, and END THE I CAN'T DO ANYTHING RIGHT GAME.

RESOURCES: (You have incredible resources to assume healthy responsibility.)
YOU ARE AN ADULT
You have adult experiences........living through life. You have adult perspectives.......insight. You have adult privileges.........freedom to make your own choices.

YOU HAVE A MIND
You can think. You can reason. You can make good decisions for you.

YOU HAVE FEELINGS (It would be great if people had tails to know how they feel.)
You can know how you are doing. You can know how to respond to others. You can know when to say yes or no to others and yourself.

YOU HAVE ADRENALIN
There is some energy left. There is some strength to get up in the morning. There is capacity to still perform the incredible. "Go ahead, amaze you!"

YOU HAVE PEOPLE WHO GENUINELY CARE ABOUT YOU
There are some who will help. There are some who will listen. There are some who will go out for Pizza.

YOU HAVE UNIQUE GIFTS, TALENTS AND ABILITIES
You have resources like no one else. You have resources for your own enjoyment. You have resources that will bring joy to others.

YOU HAVE VICTORIES
You have already made it through days you thought would never end. You have learned coping and enduring skills. You have learned your limitations... that is a victory!

YOU HAVE A FUTURE JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE
(maybe not the "same as.") Your future rests upon your choices. Your future has unknowns just like everyone else. Your future is one step further from yesterday.

ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY MEANS MAKING GOALS:
S...pecific
P...lan
I...nvolvement
R...ealistic
O...bservable

ASSUMING RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR CHILDREN
(The following is from Jim Smoke, Growing Through Divorce, pages 60-66.)
1. Don't try to be both parents to your children.
2. Don't force your children into playing the role of the departed parent.
3. Be the parent you are.
4. Be honest with your children.
5. Don't put your ex-spouse down in front of your children.
6. Don't make your children undercover agents who report on the other parent's current activities.
7. Your children need both a mother and a father.
8. Don' become a "Disneyland Daddy" or a "Magic Mountain Mommy."
9. Help your children keep the good memories of your past marriage alive.
10. If possible, Work out a management and existence structure for your children with your ex-spouse.
11. If possible, try not to disrupt the many areas in your children's lives that offer them safety and security.
12. If your child does not assume normal development and growth in his/her life within a year of the divorce, he/she may need the special care and help of a professional counselor.
13. Create some new family traditions.
14. Don't feel guilty when you need a break from your children.
15. The best gift you can give to your child is a healthy parent. (Thoughts in italics were added.)

QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER:
1. What have you accomplished in the last three weeks; three months? What does that tell you?
2. List three short term (next several weeks) goals: (These would be things that need to happen.)
3. What resources do you have to accomplish these goals?
4. How do you feel about having to do these things?
5. What is one long term goal that you have for the future?
6. Why is assuming responsibility difficult?
7. What feelings come to the surface in having to face responsibility?
8. How can the feelings contribute to me and others?
9. What are some of the bigger hurdles? What resources are lacking?
10. What are the results of not taking responsibility?

QUOTES WORTH READING

"Divorce will either force you to assume responsibility by saying, 'I can' or send you looking for someone else to do it for you."
Andy Morgan

"It seems to me that trying to live without friends is like milking a bear to get cream for your morning coffee. It is a whole lot of trouble, and then not worth much after you get it."
Zora Neale Hurston

"Responsibility is a really good thing. Responsibility smells different from guilt. You have to learn the difference." Patricia, single parent, age 51