Lifehelp

SEVEN THINGS I HAVE LEARNED
1. No two divorces are alike.
2. No one plans to get a divorce when they get married.
3. Divorce is a season that one goes through.
4. Everyone in a divorce gets custody of themselves.
5. Divorce is only the first domino that falls.
6. Recovery is like putting a jigsaw puzzle back together. (Start with the easy pieces.)
7. People can grow through a divorce.

SEVEN BASIC CAUSES	..........and ..........	KINDS OF DIVORCE
1. Unmet emotional needs.		1.The other person divorce.
2. Communication failure.		2. The problem divorce.
3. Sexual issues.		3.The little boy/little girl divorce.
4. Financial pressures.		4.I was conned divorce.
5.Differing values/beliefs		5. The shot-gun divorce. (Fantasy)
6.Unresolved baggage.		6.The mid-life divorce.
7.In-law conflicts.		7. The no-fault divorce.

THREE STAGE OF DIVORCE RECOVERY

Stage One: Shock! In this stage people tend to:
1. Retreat and withdraw.
2. Discover new feelings.
3. Openness and self-exposure.
4. Self help methods are attempted.

Stage Two: Adjustment!
In this stage the divorced person needs to:
1. Accept the fact of divorce.... it is real.
2. Adjust their thinking about life.
3. Assemble the pieces, one at time.

Stage Three: Growth!
In this stage the single adult needs to:
1. Desire to want to grow.
2. Develop a plan for growth.
3. Slow down life's pace.
4. Develop a new focus.
5. Learn the value of letting go.
6. Claim time as a best friend.
7. Take steps to trust again.
8. Develop a personal and healthy lifestyle.
9. Ask someone to hold you accountable.

MYTHS THAT YOU MIGHT HEAR FROM OTHER PEOPLE:
1. You are going to Die!
2. Divorce is the end of your World!
3. No one Understands you!
4. Your relatives will Hate you.
5. God Hates you and will never Forgive you.
6. Your kids will become Delinquents because of your divorce.
7. You will Starve to death.
8. Your house and car will Disintegrate.
9. You will never move ahead in life from Where you are Today.
10. Everyone is Looking at you.
11. Married people are more Superior than you.

DIVORCE WILL AFFECT YOU IN FOUR AREAS OF YOUR LIFE:
1. Mental___________ "I think I am about to lose my mind!"
2. Emotional_________ "I have never felt like this!"
3. Social____________ "I am so lonely, I could cry."
4. Physical__________ "I am about to come apart."
4. Spiritual__________ "I am not so sure that God is around."

"You are a unique and unrepeatable miracle of God!"

A NEW IDENTITY

"I am divorced. I am single. I am OK!"

TEN KEYS TO ACCEPTING A NEW IDENTITY
1. Identify who you were before your divorce.
2. Gain a complete and honest understanding of who you are now. Some things are different. Some things will never change. Some things will change.
3. Embrace change as a friend not a foe.
4. Accept the fact that you do not have to be Perfect!
5. Reject all the lies and myths that you have heard about you.
6. Your new identity will take time, just like your old identity.
7. Put the past behind you. "If I look back, I will never know where I am going, but if I look ahead, I will always know where I have been." A single friend, 1994.
8. Decide to explore and enjoy your new life.
9. Don't let others superimpose identities on you. YOU be YOU!
10. Identify your new "Family."

a. Parent
b. Casual Friend
c. Intimate Friend
d. Role Model
e. Guidance Counselor

WRAP-UP
1. Have faith. Faith is depending on the facts.
2. Have freedom. Be free to fail. It is OK. We all do.
3. Have future dreams. What do you want to see happen in your life? What do you want to see happen in the life of others? What dominos have fallen and you need to set back up? What one positive goal can you realize by next week?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT:
"Some confusion is par for the course for anyone getting divorced."
Beth Joselow

Don't be afraid to ask questions of friends who have experienced divorce, or of doctors, accountants, lawyers, school teachers, pastors, counselors, or other professionals who have specific knowledge that may be of some encouragement to you.

The word encourage means to "give someone courage."

Please tell yourself that you are one courageous person. You came looking for help. You care about you. Yes, someone cares about you, you! ....and me.

What you learn these next seven weeks will be useful to you and to others that you meet for the rest of your and their life.

A Story:
Penny, 34, says, "Especially in the beginning, I would be at a party or a meeting and someone would mention that some other person there had been through a divorce, and I would want to rush over and grab that person and bend their ear with all of my questions. They always looked so normal and serene. I felt like I was missing a lot of key information that they all knew. Sometimes when I did try to talk to someone like that they'd look at me as if what I was asking them was from out of left field. Our experiences were so different. That could be demoralizing. But sometimes I'd get just a sentence or two from someone that would make a point crystal clear to me. And that was very soothing. It was finding the next clue in a scavenger hunt."